Kissing my diploma life goodbye;

Hi!
So I had finished my Diploma course for a month now.

Despite the fact that I won't be participating the graduation ceremony with all my friends, 

nor will I be getting the certificate soon due to my inability to pass some of the papers.. 

Yet, I still consider myself being done with the course as there's no more class for me to attend.

All I have to do is go back and take the subjects that I previously failed.

(I already talked about this in my 2015 Resolutions blog post.)

It's just pre-graduation as it's only diploma that we have accomplished.

So all of my friends are heading to KL for degree next while I stuck here on the island..

WE ARE GOING TO BE SEPARATED T.T

Sadness started flowing in my veins two weeks before our last final exam,

Everyday I wake up to something that says:

"Cherish the days left with them Karwei, you won't be seeing them after these 2 weeks ady"

It sounds a bit dramatic but seriously, 

...

I wasn't this sad during high school graduation because it felt different!

Everyone that went to your high school lives not far away from each other and will always feel connected.

But all of these friends you made in college, 

From different states, you live with them, spend most of your time with them, you see them more than your parents in these few years  (referring to those who stayed in student hostel, like I did)

Rather than friends, they're more like life partners..

Recall the moments when I first started my college life, everything was super difficult back then.
I didn't make much friends, they were all pure acquaintances,
I hated college so much I even wrote a long blog post to rant about it:
 http://karweigoay.blogspot.com/2013/07/college-problems.html

Not long after the blog post was up, I happened to encountered A LOT of friends that just click without much words.
And things started to go really well and dull college life drastically turned brighter!
So trust me, time is all you need to finally find where you belong :) !

This is a blog post dedicated to all my college mates, 

I wanna have this memory stuck forever in my head. 

Reinvented;

Hello!

So I have recently realized that I had been making my blog a little TOO commercial-like and formal. 

I practically forgot the main reason why I started this little web page,

all I wanted is to record, remember and share little things.

I started with nothing but pure desire and passion to write anything, everything about me/ my life; 

as far as I concerned, I noticed that coming up here to blog stresses me out. 

Its slowly becoming like a task which makes me completely lost interest in.

I hate how it feels like a burden to me;

I hate how I feel tired by just thinking about blogging;

I hate how my friends always rush me to update when I have no clue what to write at all;

I hate how I always have to make sure something is blog-worthy and doubt myself like 10 plus times

before writing it, I always go 'Will people be interested in whatever this is I'm about to write?' ;

I mean, this is my own little space.

For me to express myself and mark little things thats I wanna remember in my life.

Why all of a sudden, it feels like a task where I have to try to impress ya'll?

No. I am not saying that I do not appreciate my readers, in fact, I do, very much.

I'm just saying that, if you are a true, loyal one, you'll like me for me;

No?

I have an announcement: 

I am never ever going to use my blog as a people-pleasing tool anymore.

Realization hits me that never can I ever please everyone, no matter how hard I try,

There'll still be people that critic, make up stories, gossip, and twist my entire intention of doing smtg.

You could tell that I have tried, to be informative, provide whatever it is you guys wanna know.
But still, non-stop I had receiving bad comments, opinions and I'm really sick of it.

Its always about YOU.   But who the fuck are you? Why must I please you?
Now, 

NO MORE. If you don't like whatever it is I'm writing you might as well get the fuck off.
Starting this moment, it'll be only about me!  (wah sounds lil a needy gf over here)

How? 

Hahahha here's the scary part!

*clears my throat*

From now onward, I'll randomly blog about anything that I like.

Maybe when I get a hair cut(in fact I did), or when I casually visit a cafe with my close friends;

Or maybe just a dinner. Really, just anything, as long as I feel like it!
I don't even care if anyone reads anymore, bcos I know people who truly care will :3

I want the day to be remembered, the laughters, the moments.

That's what 'Live at the Moment' is about. 

The reason why I'm putting a disclaimer upfront is because that I don't wanna anyone to go:

"Walao eh, this Karwei super lame lor, like this also want to blog, went to eat a dinner only ma, 

like we no eat dinner like that, you see I also no blog ma"

You more lame lor wei, people do what also wanna critic wanna judge. 

You are lamer. LAMER.   HAHHAHAHAHAHA 

Omg theres such word.. and no I didn't mean the ultra luxury expensive skin care La Mer.

I MEANT U R MORE LAME THAN I AM. Hence, LAME-R.
Geddit geddit.


And yes I totally love my new blog template.

x

"Why are you always alone?"

First you need to know that my middle name is Loner. Karwei Loner Goay. (HA!)

I do most of the things in life alone, I shop alone, eat alone, go to places alone and I have not found anything is wrong with that.

Yet, comments and opinions that I have received so far are neither nice nor positive.

Yo, I'm not seriously asking for credit for doing stuff alone, trying to imply that I am one strong and independent girl that deserves compliments for doing so. At least, try not to go all "Wah一个人啊，这么孤单/寂寞/emo/可怜?" 

Hearing words like that honestly put me in a bad mood and my day will be ruined. 

First of all, the reason why you find me sitting in a cafe all alone, is because I, myself, DECIDED that I just wanted to spend some precious time solely with myself.  I'm good enough by having myself to be there for me.

Wow it came out sounding really weird but yes! I don't need your irrelevant opinions like what's up with that? 

Some of them went even far "你没有朋友的hor 做么一个人"  nice wei.

Knowing that my friends have classes at a certain hour so I can't go out and chill by myself even if I feel like it?

Having my friend study at the other side of the island so I'll make them drive 40 minutes all the way from far just for a meal with me?

What I really don't get is why do people think that you need a company to do everyfuckingthing with?

Like if someone isn't there with you, the coffee taste bitterer now?  The sun no longer shine now? 

Well maybe its the way you do things, but that's just you. People have their own ways to do things too. You don't speak for them.

And their way is to DO IT ALONE. 

Okay lah I gotta admit it's kind of bad to be seen eating alone but to me, I'd rather, than to have meals with someone then we both end up being on our phones throughout the whole meal. That's even more awkward okay?!  

Having to squeeze all your brain juice thinking of topics to talk about;

 Forgetting how many times you've already mentioned about the same damn stuff;

 Then having to act all interested in their stories, constantly putting your "Really? Tell me more!" face on. 

Gosh. It drives me insane..

Err. There's something weird about me, which, you're gonna hate me for saying this.

Okay, this dark secret of mine, is that sometimes I don't really care what is going on in peoples' lives  -.- 

Oh, don't hate me just yet, I meant "sometimes"

When people tell me stuff, I'm like 'Oh! Really? You did that?"  then following by my well-trained interested face.

On the outside, I'm like:

On the inside, I'm like:

Sometimes, just sometimes, I really really don't fucking care any single thing anyone says.

This is exactly why I don't go randomly blabbering my problems to anyone I see, I know how awful it feels.

UNLESS WE ARE LIKE REALLY GOOD FRIENDS then I'll be genuinely annoying and vice versa, be concerned and worried anything that you say. The rest, please just stop talking and we shall never meet ever again.

Why do I always shop alone?

Last but not least, I wanna emphasis on HOW WONDERFUL IT IS TO SHOP ALONE. 

INDESCRIBABLY HAPPINESS. 

Don't get me wrong, it's cool to go with the girlfriends too, it really depends on your mood and what kind of a day you want it to be.

Is it a chitty-chatty full-of-gossips happy afternoon? Or a silent do-whatever-I-want shopping therapy? 

As much as I enjoy company, shopping just feels easier to be doing alone.

I thought about the question and split it down to a few points 

#1  Save all the troubles.

I was never a girly girl growing up, I like getting my errands done quick and not having to procrastinate it for the sake of somebody else. Okay to make it clear, I JUST DON'T LIKE TO WAIT. You see, the cycle of asking somebody out: 

Asking > time-coping > planning > arrangement of transportation > discussion about outfits > waiting the other party to be done with preparing and pick you up/ waiting for the other party to get ready before picking them up > being indecisive whether to eat or to buy first .. Its's even worse when you go out as a group.

就很麻烦okay HAHHAHAHA.  

What I like is, oh I feel like going to shop a little today, then I'll be at the mall right after the class ends;

Oh, I'm feeling a little more feminine today so I'll just grab a dress and go;

Hey, just notice a pair of high heels that I haven't worn in ages, lets rock on them today.

Instead of calling someone "喂我穿heels叻" getting a respond  "穿什么heels我穿拖鞋罢了!" 

可是当然  有时候朋友们一起逛街也是很开心的 ，不过今天我要强调的point是一个人的快乐!

Of course I like spending time with my friends, don't get me wrong. It's just once in a blue moon, I kind of just wanna do things my way and too lazy to seek for approval of yours.

#2 The awkward moment in your favorite stores.

Tell me, I am not the only one that finds it uncomfortable being stared while going through clothes.

How do I put this, hmm. Everybody has different taste, you just have to be careful about the needs  of every one involve.
I happened to like (and can only afford) Forever 21 while my friend is a Topshop junkie. Just an example lah I'm not picking on anyone that likes Topshop! T.T (which I hope I can afford lol) 

The feeling when they just wait and look at you while you being all excited to be in your own pace, its like they're waiting for you to be done with it then you can finally go. Err, it stresses me out  :/ I always feel bad when I see my friends texting or waiting outside while I try on clothes or stand in line to pay. Of course your friends are not gonna complain about the boredom, but you know lah, how would you feel waiting for someone at the same store for 30 minutes. It's even worse when it's group shopping, imagine having to spend every 30 minutes for everybody, gosh, so much of your time will be cut down.

My point exactly, going through the entire sale racks at Forever 21, with the hope to dig out the good deals, feels much more relaxing while you do it all alone. Which brings me to another point, 

So you don't have to snatch for the one last piece of cute top that is on sales!

#3 Getting judge for how much I've spent.

Is it just me or anyone feels the same way when you're carrying a few shopping bags while your friend is walking blank handed, I can't help but feel as if my friend is silently judging my materialism when I'm buying more stuff than her;
or does she think that I'm cheap and stingy, when the ones I'm carrying are just small purchases.
I know it's silly to compare the bills but for me, after a heavenly 放纵 shopping,

The last thing I want to feel is guilty, when they say "Are you sure about buying this? Its pricey" Dang flabbit, there goes my hesitation. Even when I really really like it, I will just hold it in and walk away, with goodbye speech to the cloth "I'll come grab you tomorrow wait for mama" ... I'll do whatever it takes to avoid being questioned by my friend, even it means coming back to the same place the next day just to get that one item.  Ugh. I just hate being questioned about my choice. Automatically assume thats on their minds
 "walao酱贵也舍得买"  or  "wow shes really spoiled"  fuck this okay just fuck this.
Neither am I rich or spoiled, 就决定要出去shopping 当然手头上有钱才会想要shopping. What is wrong with buying stuff to reward/ spoil myself?  你不疼你自己是你的事 ，我疼我自己也不管你的事 bye. Hahahaha a little carried away.

Everybody has different definition of "expensive" 

I once bought a RM40 top that has really high quality, I was so happy with the purchase, thought I found a worthy item! 

Then someone just had to butt in and went "WTF40块很贵okay"  Wow really? Really? RM40 is SOO expensive you have to go wtf?

Can't tell you how much I wanted to die at that moment. I was too sick to argue so yea.

Your opinion is much unappreciated, shove your negative vibes up your own ass cos I don't need that.

I really like it when my friends are super supportive! Hahaha when they go "Omg thats such a steal" HAHAHA IKR ILY.

Or or, another situation, when the friends managed to find so many good items while none of them suited me,

I'll go scolding myself inside "walao谁叫你酱肥"   "脸都不美了还学人家肥"

I know it sounds ridiculous but it's true! The thoughts do kick in at times.

Then I'll just wave it away, convince myself that we are friends and there is no such competitions like who spends more, 

we are both just hunting for good stuff and I'll have my chance next time! LOLOL

#4 Start off random conversations with random people/ sales assistant.

No argument needed, I can only do this when I am alone and I HAVE NO IDEA WHY.

I like starting conversations with sales assistant, solely for their opinions if they think the clothes look good on me.

Most of them were really friendly and got along with me really well, had a little chat, then your day will feel different.
I have came to realize that starting off a random convo, joke about stupid things that we see, laugh a little, do brighten your day a lot better!    Trust me on this one, just trust me. 

The reason why I find it difficult to talk to stranger when I'm with a friend, is that I don't want them to think I ki siao or flirty. 

It seems my confidence appears to be stronger when I'm alone, more spontaneous and easy-going.

Can't judge if its a good thing or nah, I just really enjoy this side of mine  :)

There. 4 main points. I said it. I would go on but my back is aching and so are my fingers lol.

To round this whole topic off, I just wanna say:

You might be someone that needs company all the times but not everyone is like you.

Just because someone is different, doesn't mean they don't enjoy being them.

Doing things differently doesn't mean people are doing the wrong thing.

Next time, before you sputter out any judgment on people, think if it is necessarily to say it.

I've been called "no friends" "no people want to join me" " pitiful" just because I often show up being alone.

Its just.. hahaha.  No further explanations needed. I'll just let idiots keep being idiots.

Phewwww, its been a long time since I do a wording post like this, feeling good but I'm ashamed of how bad my English is becoming.

T.T forgive me.. Guess you gotta pay for not writing for so long. Gotta practice more now.
Feel free to comment down below and tell me what you think :) 

No mean comments needed but I'll be delightful to hear what you think!  

Xx, kwg.

Working experience #3

My third semester is bout to end and no, I did not spent it slacking around, rotting home all day being lifeless.

As usual, I got myself a part time job, I worked for exactly a month!

No rest, no fuss.  For a lazy ass girl like me, I didn't even mutter a single word to complain about this job

It was the best damn job I've ever gotten so far!!  Cos.. it allowed me to put on make up nicely every day!

Taa daaaaaaa ~

Yours truly in transformation 

Wells.   It was a internationally well-known make up store. 

Won't be revealing the name but I guess if you're a girl you would have guessed by now!

:O

I wasn't a staff there nor will be. I actually just replaced a staff of theirs who took a long leave to go give birth.

I was just a part time gurl. Mehhhhh

But I honestly learned a lot working there. And I am sharing them!    Also rants.  

#1  Most amazing colleagues & the bitter-sweet behind of the sales industry 

Hahahaha I know what most people think,  the store's staffs are unfriendly.

When I first told my friends I was going to work there, they be like 

'Wth! Later you become arrogant like them you dont talk to me anymore'

Aw man.  People had been getting wrong impressions of them. I mean my former colleagues

In fact, they're the best.  Ours (or theirs)  supervisor brief them almost every single day to remind them to be nice to the customers, smile and be friendly, also I can see them always trying their best to make that happen.

But in the industry of services, things don't go the way they were planned.

Who knows when are you going to meet an idiotic customer whom totally rude and obnoxious?

Of course, we would still be nice bcos customers are always right!  I geddit I geddit.

But after half an hour, our smiles get tired and your dramas haven't end yet.

People get tired.   Maybe except for some people and their self-created lil dramas, that shit is never ending        And I guarantee you all of us girls never got enough hours of sleep that require our brains to function properly the next morning hahahaha. Soemtimes we just staring at each other and getting impressed by how tired one another is, raving how regret we stayed up for nothing    #girlsbeinggirls

The funniest thing is,  the foods we craved for everyday and the noisiness when we all got together

This conversation happens everyday 

Colleague A  : Eh 我想要吃 ice cream

Me : 我要我要我要 !

A : OK我去買

B : 去哪裡!  買什麼!

A : Ice cream 啦 你要嗎?

B : 不要啦 昨天才吃，  等下4點我去買Pizza 你要嗎

Me : 我要我要我要 !

C : 不要買料我打包給你們料   

A : 那個放著先   等下餓料才吃

-.-

And the fods changes everyday and I'm really amazed by how many foods we could think of.

I put on so much weights!! I have the body of an elephant now I'm not even kidding TT 

Had so many amazing girly moments with them was memorable.

I don't have a sister and always imagine what its like to have one.

So.... this is it?     

Insert an irrelevant selfie of me so you don't drown in words 

#2 Knowledge about cosmetic & skin care products 

Not kidding yo!  Just name anything from the store and I can immediately tell you what is that for 

Cosmetics I used on my face every day are all from the store, I've already tried everything!

Literally.everything.  

I am sharing some of my favorites. As well as tips if you were to go shopping  :)

Best face primer  -  The Balm (other brands are quite sticky so it's a no from me)

Best concealer - Time Balm from The Balm (perfect!)

Best liquid foundation - The Balm (great coverage) / Cyber Colors (hydrating)

Best blusher  - The Balm Boy's Series  (I just fucking love this brand and think they're underrated)

Best bronzer - The Balm Hot Mama

Best brows pencil - BCL liquid brow pencil 

Best creamy eyeliner - Canmake creamy eyeliner (thick and damn pigmented)

Best lipstick - Revlon Color Balm (so far my fav! Moisturizing cos my lips are really dry)

Best finish powder - Cyber Colors (give you a smooth finish with slightly shimmering texture)

Ahhhhhhh honestly can't share enough! I need to describe them more.

Btws, as I lost most of my cosmetic, very clumsy of me actually put all my cosmetics in the bag that I lost .

 I'm going on a cosmetic shopping soon.  I'll see what turns out to be really good and write some proper reviews of them.  Since I have not been doing review, miss it! Hopefully I'll have more time to update this space as a new semester kicks start.

Wait, I've been getting quite a lot of requests for my make up tutorial  ;//

Ok tbh I don't think I can do that. Most of the time my make up is just me throwing on random things on my face follow my mood of the day, I have no skills. You might wanna check out these youtube gurus they're my favs!

http://www.youtube.com/user/zoella

http://www.youtube.com/user/clothesencounters

http://www.youtube.com/user/Macbarbie07
http://www.youtube.com/jaclynhills

They're really amazing thou I'm a girl I swear I have this hugeeeeeee Internet crush on them!

As for my make up tutorial, hmm,   I'll see how it goes, maybe till I get a new camera ok TT

#3  I was never a racist, till I started working there ..


For my own safety purpose, I am not revealing what race that is.
I scare people hood me with helment you know, gangster man, dont siao siao.
I'll leave you guessing since I'm just ranting anyway.

Like I said, I WAS never a racist girl, I actually have quite a lot of friends from different races, and we're all good. No misunderstandings no conflicts.

To make this part clearer, I'm gonna name the race I hate as X.
When I first started working,  I don't feel anything wrong with providing them service.  But I swear to you, 10 out of 10 of them told me 'just looking around'  Alright, nothing wrong with looking around, everybody does.   Till they started using ALL of our testers.  Eh lehma? Even lipstick they want to put like 3 layers of colors from 3 different brands. You need so cheapskate or not.    PLUS,  THEY NEVER BOUGHT ANYTHING FROM THE STORE. NEVER.  I even saw the same girl twice or thrice a week, every once ina while, I knew she was going to be there, use all the testers of cosmetics, from face primer to lipstick, till using out fragrances' testers to end this 'makeover' of theirs.  I'm assuming they were going for dates, came to the mall earlier with care face, shamelessly walked into the store and used all the testers. EEW IS YOUR SURNAME GELI?   I worked there for a month, I honestly never seen anything from race X purchases anything more than rm30. Z.   I'm not implying that I hate poor people BUT I definitely cannot stand people that have no shame and keep taking advantages, you could have just bought the stuff back home and use it, you come back like this twice a week you have no fucking shame??

Not only cosmetics,  they use the fragrances like they own the fucking damn place.
Every time, they just walked in, avoided eye contact with us, quickly spray the perfume on their body, for maybe like 5-7 press on the button, lehma you want die in the perfume is it?  And they would walk away their fastest speed before we get to walk over there to ask what we could help them with. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Very very very geli ok.   I know I know, you have the right to use the tester but what makes you the owner of this place, just walk in and use all you want?  According to the rule, when the customers want to try the perfumes, we have to spray on this cute little piece of paper for them.   Bcos most of the scent of perfumes will change when they're sprayed out for a while, then we would like names of the perfume on that paper for customers for reference purpose.  TESTERS NOT FOR U TO USE AS YOUR OWN ONE LA  ma de.

Sorry but  from this experience of mine, I literally look down on everyone from race X.
I know you can't judge the entire race for the behavior of one person, BUT WHEN  EVERYONE I SAW FROM THAT FUCKING RACE ACTED ALL THE SAME?? GO FUCK YOURSELVES AH OK.  No wonder so many people say race X sucks now I know exactly why, no more defending for you.



-

o.o again, I think I accidentally talked too much. Gon go back to reading now sons.
Thanks for reading tata!

Lost my bag in Reggae.

Correcction:  somebody stole my bag in Reggae. 

Here's how the story go ;
Just like any other normal Wednesday night, me going to party with my closest friends
As usual, I brought my bag along.   Don't give me all this 'you don"t bring your bag to clubs' shit, if you are a lady, you do and you know it.   All the tables in Reggae Mansion have these drawers thing under them, so it's just kinda like my habit to put my bags down there, having my friends to watch it for me.  Wells, not only me, I can say that almost every girls have their bags put down under the drawers.  After a few drinks we kind of had our guards down, as people around are mostly my friends, expect the table right beside, there was a gang of boys standing weirdly and looking suspiciously. We didn't care much of them as the party was really turning up!
I mean, who the hell cares for everybody in a club anyway.

Till 2:20am something my friends told me me that they wanted to leave already.
After saying and kissing goodbye, I went up to the drawer to look for my bag
But it was already gone!    It was just not too long ago since I saw it there,
The odd thing is,
That gang of boys whom having the table right next to us, was gone too!
Correction here! Turned out this gang of guys weren't the suspicious ones. They are actually one of my friend's friend lol. And they explained to my friend that they actually left early bcos some stranger kept on getting close to them and they were annoyed, so yea ..


After finding out my bag is lost, hen my friends (who were still there) quickly helped me to look for it, even some Malay strangers they also kept asking their friends if anyone has seen my bag.  Sooooo nice T.T
I called my phone also lah but it was already turned off, cb your move also very fast hor
We all gathered up in front of Reggae and everybody was worrying about me, till the manager came out and asked what happened.   He wasn't even surprised when I told him the incident.
' This is not the first time already, some girls also lost their bags last week. I think there is 內鬼 ' he said.
Can't exactly tell what that means but I think what he was trying to say is incidents like this happened a lot already and he's thinking maybe the same gang of people did that?? To take advantages of drunk, happily partying people?

The next day in the morning I saw the last location my phone was turned on was at Sungai Petani & KL!
Wtf I don't know which is more accurate but both places are pretty far from Pg.
The thief didn't turn my phone on for nothing, they fucking used my FB (already logged on) to send stupid shits to my friends wtf!??  Can this/these people be anymore brainless?! 
And no, I didn't set any pass code for my phone. My bad

How do you people steal? Do you not have a brain, or a heart?  Do you have any idea what kind of troubles you could bring to people just bcos of your selfishness and bo ah kai-ness? If you really want something, just go to work, earn money and get it, since you can steal, I expect you to have arms; since you're in a club, I assume you to have legs.  Wells, since you're not an OKU, I'll just take it that your brain stopped functioning,
I really really really hope that karma serves you right.
You'll probably find cancer in your body by your next body check-up.
No matter you in SP or KL, hopefully your car crashes into the drain the next time you are on your way coming to Georgetown for another secret plan to steal other girls' purses
Also, you won't even have enough time to use the money you made from stealing other people's assets because is it so low that God decides to cut your 40 years of life

I am not even sorry for saying these,  many other friends of mine also lost their bags in there!
I didn't even know till they commented on my status. Omg seriously, how many victims already?
other than the thief/ thieves, I also have words for these specific group people

To people that add oil on fire by blaming how I shouldn't had brought my bag to clubs cause nobody did. Fuck you okay? Almost every girl does. And those who said I shouldn't had brought my camera, fuck you twice okay? From what I've known, girls who owned a camera usually bring them all around. Okay you can scold me for being careless, mind-absent, but how is this my fault that I brought my own stuff out?  Who knows people nowadays are so evil? Who knows that their things are going to be stolen? If like this then blame every girls that bring bags to clubs all around the world lah? Silly

To friends who are really concerned about me :  After everything that happened, I found out that a lot of my friends are truly genuine angels! Some of them even came back to Reggae purposely just for me and I knew they were very far away already TT.  Also some of them were worrying about me being unable to sleep(obviously I am) , they actually stayed up with me, seeing their eyes almost dropped off is kind of funny. I then went to get 2 hours sleep as I have my last paper the next day. But they didn't sleep neither!  Some more helped me to turn on the fan, off the lights and shits, slowly closed the door, asking everybody to speak softly not to disturb me. Wtf so sweet can!?   So fucking touched okay I might not show it on the surface but I really am very touched bros! TT thank you all!  對我好的人很少  只要你對我好  我都知道  

Lost all of my photos,  only have this note to post.

You know who you are :)

Every party girls who love going to Reggae, be more careful okay!
Trust me you don't want to experience this. 


Here's come the sentimental stuff: 

I didn't realize how serious this matter was till I came home and stared into my mother's eyes.

The moment when I told her that once again, I lost my phone. Sounding even worse this time, I lost my bag,  my camera   SONY NEX F3, phone iPhone 5, wallet Tory Burch, Raybans were all in there.
Not to be materialistic but to let you know the value of these stuff 
I finally came to realize that how heartache I am actually feeling


Just so you know, everything that I mentioned above, I bought them all with MY OWN HARD-EARNED MONEY.   Got my F3 when I first started doing online blog-shop business when I was 17 and proud, iPhone 5 that I just got not too long ago, probably 4-5 months, remember I lost my i4 last year?  TB was also something I bought to reward myself as my blog-shop business was going really well at the beginning of the year 2013.  Raybans, wells, with this crazy sun in Malaysia I honestly think that everybody deserves a good pairs of sunglasses.    How do I put this?  I never ever, ask for extras money to spend on all these hmm not luxury, but they're not necessity right.  Money that my mother gave me is only enough for normal meals, rental, petrol (sometimes).

And where do I get all these extra fucking money to get the things that I fancy? 
To go to good restaurants? 
Late night chilling with my ladies?
High teas & lovelies date with gfs? 
All my clothes and accessories?
Skin cares and cosmetics?

I worked.  And still working.
I really don't like when people go all 'aiya just ask from your mom lah! Sure she'll buy another for you'
And how well do you think you know about me and my family?
Because no, unlike what you think of me, I am not the kind of girl who just asks for money and gets whatever she wants right in her pockets. I wasn't born in a wealthy family and I am clearly aware of that
I learned it the hard way at my very young age, knowing that money is very limited in this family
So I don't demand for stuff that is out of my parents' affordability to stress them out.
Even things that may seem really normal for you all but do you have any idea what I been going thru?

I spent most of my weekends doing part time job as a promoter in supermarket like Tesco & Jusco.
Maybe sometime roadshows with higher pays but you don't always have that opportunity.
I refresh the page of 'Pg Find Job Place' every single day just to not miss out a good job.
The amount of emails that I sent applying for jobs is probably more than the likes of my photo.
Every semester break that I had was barely a break, I spent them all by none-stop working

You probably can't tell.  That's because I never showed this side of me.
Everything that I posted online was all nice everything like going on high tea dates, good dinner places, expensively-looking desserts following after, and an enjoying-life selfie to end this circle.
You never seen the side me of working and sweating, worrying about the salary will be enough for the next few weeks or nah


I never wanted anyone to look down on me.
I had people looking down on me all this 19 years of my life, ever since I was a child
I worked so hard to achieve what myself want.
I don't blame my parents for not giving me all these satisfactions I knew they already are giving me their best
I don't want to lose to anyone, no matter in mentally or physically.
I don't need very expensive lifestyle but I want what most girls have, deep down I know that I already am losing by having this thought, but I always get this feeling it seems everybodys doing better than I am
I always say to myself that so what people can have this have that, cos their parents bought em, but you bought with your own money leh!  It's different it's different you are a better person.


But in the end, I guess I am still defeated, by reality.
It's like no matter how hard you worked right, life always finds its way to fuck everything up.

I don't expect anyone to understand.
Also, I've been pretending as if I am fine in front of everybody, cracking jokes, acting all relaxed,
In face, I am not fine, at all.   I can't even get myself together, every breathe that I take just remind me that everything valuable that I had, and lost, due to my clumsiness and I hate myself to the bone for that
The pain is indescribably aching.
I don't know
I don't know when do I get to buy all these things back
Even working and saving up take times .
And it it is going to take longer than it seems .


Whoa this is one long ass blog post.
This is probably the lowest point of my life and I can't help but kind of wet my keyboard
I've honestly never been this opened up in public. I feel naked but I am not even close to ashamed.
This is who I am and you either just accept it or get off my blog already .
Also!! I am neither seeking for sympathy nor attention, just to clarify that I am not the kind of person you thought I am, and hmmm so that you'll know how I actually feel

If you're a hater reading this, secretly gloating and going to say shits or use this post against me,
Wells it says a lot about yours personality, not mine .

Working experience#2

New template! 

How's life everybody?

A couple of days till CNY and I just done with my job at a clothing fair.

Trying to make a living and a life. It would be really lifeless rotting home all day err day during sem break.

I have a very unpleasant working experience that I would like to share also rant.

Still remember when I learned in last sem, there was a course trying to lecture us how to handle office gossips, difficult people, how to cope with your colleague or something like that. I thought that was lame back then.  Now I just realized neither the lecturer nor the college was kidding us. You are seriously going to meet a lot of unexpectedly nasty, difficult people when you're out in this community working.

Note:  This post is not intentionally written to mock nor attack anyone, yours truly is just plain sharing her experience from her point of view. I hope you'd understand. Also my blog ain't no gossip site.

The fair that I worked at was pretty huge and many clothing brands were all gathered up there to do their clearance sales. Promoters of the brand I worked for are 4 in total, including me. Our supervisor stated that we have to take turn to break for lunch and dinner, which means 2 of us will have to wait while the other 2 out eating first.  We were allowed to have an hour every break. 3rd day of working.  The other 2 promoters went out to the mall knowing they were going to surpass an hour break time, leave us (my friend Janet and I) their punch cards and let us to punch for them. We were happy to do as they were actually out running errands (personal) on that particular day so we thought why not?

Who knows. They started crossing the line. They started going to the mall for nothing or what I don't know as I don't see the fun in it during that 1 hour lunch break leaving us their cards and only got back after 2 hours something.  Janet and I were still fine with it for the few first time. Till they started hooking up with the guys right next to our booth. So they did the same again, leaving the card. Woahhhh slow down. We punched the cards for you girls was to help IF there was any situation, not to let you take advantages of. As usual, coming back after 2 hours more but have the cards punctually punched. Jees. 

One day, Janet and I and another friend from the other brand went out to have lunch @ McD which located pretty close to our working but we were afraid of not able to get back in time, we let the other 2 gals have our cards to punch just in case. Plus, since we've been helping them loads, they shouldn't be having any problem with helping us bad right. It was not always about you.  In expected, we took 1 hour 15 mins to get back and they helped us to punch them cards. Yayy.   Then night, there goes their first time pissing me off, very very very upset.

They took more than fucking an hour without informing us or at least asking us to out for dinner first. They just went out for almost 2 fucking hours without a single word. My friends and I were starving and I almost fainted of hunger lolol! Seriouslee. How irresponsible can you be?   Would you at least let us know first? It was not fun trapping in a fucking cold place famished and dizzy. I really thought they wanted to get back at us for taking more than an hour an lunch time. Ohmygod.  Did you see us be doing anything when you guys do that?  NOOOOOOO. Who are you to revenge when you are the damn one who did us all wrong.  I actually typed a really long paragraph in my phone when I was pissed and hungry but I decided not to share it lolol it was really harsh.

Also, they started coming to work really late and I don't know how they got their cards punched really nice maybe the help of the guys from the next booth? HAHAHA did I mentioned that they just became instant bestfriends?!   Kept on talking, chatting, gives no shit when the customers approached. Seriouslee son? You are here to work, not to social. And then only act all hardworking when the supervisor comes visit. UGHHHH I can't believe these people

 How shameless can they be?

OK 忍   百忍成金.

Sorry for the bad English my brain can't even think straight I didn't even have the energy to think for a proper sentence as I'm blogging this really tired and sleepy - 

Next I wanna share my pretty pics hehehe! Cheeky#

Took a day off and out with bestie last Saturday! Yayy 

Taken with phone. Bad quality!  ;3  

Quite into VSCOcam recently hehehehe.

*digging something*

*digging something again*

Because I always can't seemed to find anything once its dropped into my bag. HAHAHA

# OOTD

Love the view, not the face;

HEHEHEHEHE

Getting my nails and hair done tomorrow, can't wait! X

Will update again tomorrow if I have time to. Muahhhhh

New phone // Ghost In Dorm Incident #2

Harrow!

Taken with my new phone, an app called 美颜相机. Fake rightttttt! ;O

Aha edited cute bokehful with 美图秀秀 .

Sho nice all these China apps hao xi huan ;p suitable the most for ugly people like me.

Sorry to disappoint you.  I did not get 5S! T_______T

*jumps off building with regret*

I got an i5 instead. Black color somor! So not me. All my gadgets have always been white.

Nehmind thou, much better than my old phone already.

Be grateful bcause I actually paid for it with my own money. Aha 

MY horror story ah.

Happened in Sem 1 also (last semester).

Warning: Close this tab immediately if youre now alone, or in any student hostel.

Also if you have any disease, headache toothache stomachache, pregnant, or stinky feet.

There was a night I went makan makan jalan jalan with my friends who came all the way from Bayan Lepas (the other side of Penang) to Tanjung Tokong just to find me and my friend.

Till we finished lepak like usual they sent me back to hostel.

If I am not mistake that time was around 11:50+ pm already.

But they be like: so early? Want go back already meh?

Cause you know how us teenagers always pattern pattern wanna stay up late then get up fucking tired the next morning make excuse cannot make it to the morning class lolol.

So I suggested to come over my hostel living room to chat lor.

Very kind of me right.

I was sitting in the passenger seat, all nosy touching his stuff around.

Also I happened to open his drawer at the front seat and took his electronic cigarette out, looked at it for a while. Then I put it back as soon as we arrived at my hostel.

I swear, I put it right back in the drawer.

5 of us then got ourselves out of the car, walked in my hostel.

The moment we walked in, 

my friend spotted a fucking electronic cigarette on the television table

My friend said.

Then I was like

My friend was too damn ass nosy, he went an open the electronic cigarette.

Saying 'if nobody smokes here then what is this electronic cig doing here'

As soon as he opened the case, the next sentence he said gave us chills.

'这个不是我的电子烟meh!'  

Then I was like wut, walked up to check on it.

True. The electronic cig was being wrapped by tissues, looked exactly like the one I just opened in his car just now.   I was like FUCK.

The other 3 friends of us were stunned. 

We looked at each other speechlessly, no one spoke a word.

No one dare to.

Then another guy finally gathered his ball together and said:

"我去看车里面的电子烟还有在吗"

Means he wanted to go check if the electronic in car was still there or not.

We were like

Ahahhaha then of course he came back safely,

Saying '不在了' means  it was gone.

Means the one on my television table was my friend's.

Damnnnnn this is super scary.

I could fucking swear I put it right back once we arrived in our hostel.

Even if I dont, how is it possible for me to put on the table, 

He spotted the electronic cig right the moment he walked it. 

COME ONNNNNNNNN :((

If it was about me saw something, you could say its my optical illusion nevermind.

But this time, theres a proof and five of us fucking witnessed it.

W h a t t h e f u c k.

GHOST IN DORM

If you are a friend of mine on Facebook, or you are followingme on Twitter.

You would know that I nampak hantu.   O_____O!  << I know right..

Hahahahaha everyones been so curious couldnt stop asking how was it and all. Think I've repeated the same story for more than 10 times already. Sooooo, why not blog about it instead!?   When people asks I can be like go view my blog, at the mean time I get to gain views leh HHAHAHHAHA #心机重

Not sure you guys are being plain nosy or you actually guan xin me. 

So this was not the first time I met something dirty already, by dirty you know what I mean.

I used to hear things, but this time, I saw it, I fucking witnessed it. 

One of my face before the horror story happened. Chang bai or not 

You wanna hear story? Here you go:

Incident #1 : 

Happened in Sem 1 (I am now studying Sem 2), that was one time I got food poisoning, 

lao sai for more than 10 times in a night and I threw up, a lot. 

After visiting doctor, I went back hostel to sleep. It was only 9pm.

I was so sick that my head was spinning the whole time, everything I saw was a blur. 

Halfway of sleeping, all of a sudden I heard some Chinese 唱大戏 voices right beside my ears.

AHAHAH not lost conscious so serious but still, I was blur!  Once I heard something wrong, I sat straight up and looked around, was stunned for a little while, trying to recall if there is any 大戏 there around my hostel area.

But that was impossible, we have no temple around that area and that wasnt Chinese July month either. But I was too sick to be afraid so fuck it, I just laid back in my bed to continue to rest.

Now the weird thing happened, once I got my head snuggled into my pillow, 

that 唱大戏 sound is fucking back.

It was right beside my ears. Right beside! I swear!

I was so sick I wasnt even scared. I just got fucking pissed off because 'something' was interrupting my sleep -___- I was like 'tskkk fuck off' 

Once I swear, the next moment, my ears got back to peace. The sound was gone.

It was just one second. So I got back to sleep very quickly..

Till I felt better the next morning, just realized what the fuck happened last night.

Called my mother immediately and went home to pray. 

Sifu gave me 4 hu tao aha but things still happen after ..

Incident #2 :

The scariest shit I've ever met in my entire life. Not alone, but with my friends, 5 of us.

I dont wanna talk about it now. Maybe next time..

HHAHAHHAHA diao geh.

Incident #3 :

Last night. I was heading out at 11pm something to grab supper with my friend. As usual, to talk non sense with my girlfriends, I sent them snapchats. ( Because we are close like that!! ) Ps: download snapchat & add me karweigoay & send me shits!  I loveeeeee that app! 

Okay back to the topic, 

I was sitting alone in living room on the couch waiting for my friend to come pick me up.

Checking on how do I look with my phone front's camera, what girls usually do right! 

Suddenly!! I saw a fucking shadow walk passed by behind me

I turned around immediately, but no one was there! NO ONE NO ONE NO ONE

So I was like

Dont tell me it was optical illusion or some shits, I fucking swear I saw something.

My friend arrived on time, I got into the car as fast as I could, ran like wind okay warao.

Once I did, my body started to ache like a motherfucker.

I mean for real! I didnt know why, my arms, my back and shoulder part super pain like I've got hit by baseball bat  (I know this feeling because.. been there -____-)

Very scary okay you wanna appear neh mind but dont make my body ache can.

Still need to party okay.

Incident #4 :

The next morning, (The day after I bumped into ghost)

I was feeling nauseous throughout the entire morning so I skipped class a bit. 

When I was packing, getting ready to go home, I saw something, made me totally collapse #崩溃

Roommate leave her laptop on while she went to shower.

Guess what, I saw the face of 唱大戏's actor/actresses on my roommate's laptop screen, 

as if its smiling at me. 

I looked at it from far, I thought it was like an advertisement of China website or something.

But then I glanced at it for the second time, 

I recalled of the weird sound I heard when I was down with food poisoning.

Stared in blank for a while. I was so scared, like totally, couldnt move nor speak.

Then my roommate came back in after few minutes, the face disappeared from the screen.

I couldnt say a thing, I have no proofs.

..

This is too much.

I kept all my stuff the fastest speed I can. 

Waited for my friend downstairs, I couldnt even sit on the couch anymore.

This place scared me, I didnt even feel like spending anymore minute or even second there.

Now I am home, typing this in my mother's room because I need company otherwise I cant say this. Wtff useless right but you come try and see, I havent even collapse for the first 3 times, but the 4th,  too much to bare. 

It looked like it was smiling at me, with some sort of evil grin. Oh pleaseee

I am just one normal girl, what do you expect me to do.

Not to be mentioned, my legs are full of bruises.

:-//

I went for a pray just now hope everything goes well from now onward.

Moving out from that house soon.. cant do this anymore

Once I posted status on FB, many of my friends came up and told me that they had heard stuff of my hostel already, it is already famous by having dirty things inside, some of them even witnessed before me. Aiksss

Best luck to me.

The end people, there go the stories. Lets see if one day I'll blog about incident #2